Satire: corporate industry to the rescue

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO – While many countries at the COP26 climate summit agree that the world must meet the threat of global warming, none appear ready to take radical action immediately to adequately address it.

At the COP-26 (Conspiracy of Polluters) large corporations proposed their own solutions.

Realizing that many consumers are reluctant to switch to electric cars due to the time it takes to recharge their batteries and the lack of charging stations, Elon Musk has begun making extension cords 1,000 miles in length. If this doesn’t purify the atmosphere, SpaceX will move the world’s population, or at least those who can afford a ticket, to other planets.

Mark Zuckerberg believes that climate change is not happening in the Metaverse. Facebook will sell everyone an Oculus because there are no droughts, hurricanes, rising sea levels or forest fires in virtual reality.

Coca Cola has developed technology to remove carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and pump it into the oceans’ waters along with flavorings to carbonate and bottles. It has also launched an underwater advertising campaign to convince all marine life that Cola is better off.

Beano has offered to supply dairy and meat farmers with its pills to reduce the amount of methane gas released by cows and pigs.

The major airlines are planning to introduce a glider service for short flights. To reduce the energy required to refuel its aircraft, Spirit removes the aircraft seats, lines the passenger compartments with Velcro fasteners to attach them to the Velcro jackets worn by the passengers, and fires all employees except the pilots. The company doesn’t think its customers will notice the difference.

Device manufacturers are pooling their resources to build huge air conditioners for the polar caps, huge dehumidifiers for places with too much rain, and huge humidifiers for regions with drought. You will connect them to power sources using Tesla’s long-range extension cords.

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Baron is a professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He can be contacted at [email protected] Jewish world in San Diego advises new readers that this column is satire and nothing in it should be taken literally.

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